Bluff (Notevember 2022, #20)

BEWARE THE SEA MONSTER

Because of recent sightings of a sea monster (possibly several), all residents and visitors are urged to be extra cautious when in or near the water. The sea monster is extremely dangerous and territorial, and may attack if provoked.

The sea monster appears thus:

• serpent-like in shape
• two humps usually visible above the surface
• also visible is its rear flipper fin, which sticks straight up and seems to be used like a rudder
• mottled skin, grey in colour (certain reports claim green, but this is as yet unverified)
• roughly 3 to 4 seals long (but is definitely not 3 to 4 seals!)

A number of locals claim that the monster possesses a head akin to that of a seal. If so, this is merely aggressive mimicry, with which the sea beast seeks to trick unsuspecting prey into believing that it is cute and cuddly, and not a threat. DO NOT be deceived. It is not cute or cuddly, but incredibly dangerous. Since the sea monster may be using the local seal population as camouflage, it is best not to venture too near the seals, for safety reasons.

Should you spot the sea monster, DO NOT approach it unless with the express intent of giving it fish, which will placate it (provided the fish is fresh and in sufficient quantity – it is best to provide a large amount of fish, to be on the safe side). Should you not spot the sea monster, it is advisable that you leave a daily sacrifice of fish on the rocks below the pier, then make a hasty retreat WITHOUT turning back to look.

Please help spread this information, so we can keep our community safe and fed.

Thank you for your cooperation!

/Mr. C.L.