Helmet (Notevember 2021, #15)

– Did you just talk?
– Caw.
– I could’ve sworn I just heard you talk.
– Caw?
– Alright, guess not. Bye, bird.
– Bye.
– Aha! I knew it!
– Fine, you got me. Caw.
– How is it you can speak?
– By using my syrinx and tongue. All ravens can speak, you know.
– Mimicry is hardly independent communication, it’s… Look, stop trying to bullshit me. You’re obviously no ordinary raven.
– Caw. I’d say I’m obviously no raven at all.
– What are you, then?
– Your guardian spirit.
– Angel?
– Spirit. Separate institution entirely.
– So are you like a guardian angel?
– Oh, please… Don’t compare me with those bureaucratic hacks, caw.
– But you’re here to protect me?
– That’s the job. Mostly.
[WOOSH]
– Hey. HEY! What’s that?
– What’s what? Caw.
– That thing! Your head.
– It’s a head.
– Now stop that! I mean that smoke emanating from your head.
– Oh, that. It’s just a helmet. A protection spell.
– Why do you need a helmet?
– For protection. Duh.
– Well, why did it appear just now?
– No reason.
– You ever notice how, whenever someone says “no reason”, there’s always a reason?
– Caw. How perceptive you are.
– So…
– So?
– So what’s the reason you suddenly need protection?!
– Oh. That bad luck of yours.
– Huh?
– Well, you’re a genuinely unlucky sort of guy. In the wrong place at the wrong time more often than the statistically average person. I’m surprised you haven’t noticed.
– Maybe I have. So is something about to go down? And you’re here to save me?
– It’s already going down. And quite quickly, too. Take a step to your right, please.
– What?
– CAW!
– What the fuck! Don’t swoop at me like that, you shitbird! You could’ve taken my–
[CRASH]
– …
– … caw.
– Flowerpot?
– Flowerpot, yep.
– Thanks. I guess your job’s done, then?
– Umm…
– Hey, why is your smoky helmet protection spell thingy still on?
– Caw. No reason…