Ominous (Notevember 2020, #30)

Hold, adventurer!
You mustn’t go into the woods beyond
For they are dark and dangerous
And I have read the omens
All of which speak of your doom

Which omens?

The Blood Owl hooting at the full moon!

Oh, that one?
We call those rust owls back home
Of course they hoot at night
That’s normal
I’ll be on my way then

Wait!
I have also seen the rime
On a gossamer weave of the morning

Frozen dew on a spiderweb?
That’s not an omen
That’s a natural phenomenon
Who taught you science, honestly
Now, if there’s nothing else…

But there is!
I have heard the rumbling of the Earth Mother herself

That was four point six magnitude quake
And we are on the edge of a tectonic plate
Business as usual
Thanks, I’m off

STOP!
Three wolves baying at once—

They are pack animals.

Um, err, a goose flying north in winter

Evolution will sort it out

Ancient runes of devilry written in soot upon the air!

Woah, really?

Well, no
Though that does sound pretty bad, doesn’t it?

Okay, bye!

WitchCo’s stocks plunged by seven points this morning.

Fuck, I better go home and talk to my investment consultant
Verily, the signs have forewarned me
That I may walk free of coming disaster
You have my gratitude, Soothsayer

And I shall treasure it, adventurer
Now, how would you like to discharge the bill of two hundred and fifty gold?
I take plastic, paper, metal or SpellPay

Woe is me, for ruin has come!