Throw (up) (Notevember 2020, #9)

Oh no
OH NO
The unicorns got into the liquor cabinet again
Everything’s a shambles
Don’t look at me!
I’m not cleaning this up

I cannot be-LIEVE
You forgot to lock the door properly when we left
Not just to prevent theft
But breaking and entering
Or the other way around in this case
Jesus lemon-scented Christ
Is there a glass they DIDN’T break?

Well fuck me with a blowtorch
Look at the mess they made
It’s like the aftermath of a thrice-hammered pride parade
But with hooves. HOOVES!
How are we going to get this glitter out of the carpet, tell me
If the manure didn’t smell like bubblegum and sunshine
I would just toss everything out straight away
I told you – I TOLD YOU
This would happen
That it was a slippery slope
First the narwhals, now this?!